The Autowala Theorem

I am a city trotter partially because my mother always kicks me out of the house when I am irritating her and also because I have things to do on the daily. My number one thing which I do every alternative day is that I go to a class which makes me smarter, a coaching class they call it but I call it burn in my pocket and re-learning things that I already pay to learn in my college but there is a truth universally known that a person without coaching is not a person at all. Anyways, I go to my coaching every alternate day and in order to get there I take an auto, if you are not from India auto is a three wheeler which gets you from one place to another, so in my city getting a customer for that auto is a challenge thanks to Uber and Ola Surge pricing their way into the city so the best thing these autowalas do in the times of such deficit they give their customers to the next autowala (their competition)  Strange, right?! It is strange to me as well, autowalas in my area of the city share the customers so that nobody leaves with an empty auto which is a loss for them, instead they will give their customers to the autowala on the first come first serve basis.

Didn’t catch up?

It means these autowalas are using a theorem way beyond our understanding. Where the market of 21st century is ready to claw the competition alive these autowalas are giving away their customers so that there is a status-qua and nobody dies in lost.

Every day I go to these autos and I am directed to the auto which has been standing on the stop for a while, when his auto is filled the next comes in line and so on. It is almost like a well-synced dance, nobody steps out of the line and everybody enjoys the performance. It is like a union of these people which makes every individual happy, there is patience and philanthropy involved, which is needed in the current scenario. These autowalas know that the customers are plenty, the demand has no limit, and every trotter wants to go to a certain destination so why not share the cake so that everyone is fed.

I cannot help but imagine what it would be like in a world where there is such arrangement possible, people giving the ‘excess’ for the ones in deficit and people not howling at the customers but sharing the market. There is no market-segmentation, rules or better than the next thinking, everyone is equal.

Thinking for such theorem to exist in a real market world is almost absurd because the world has become a very polished capitalist economy, where there people wearing a hat and hiding their face. No matter how much these brands talk about welfare and the number of good they had done still it means nothing when it the situation of profit, nothing is wrong with profit but the problem of excess is unacceptable, because of this the gap between the classes of the people is increasing and the poor and falling in this pitfall. Where will this stop?

How rich can the rich get? Is there an end? How much money is too much money? Nobody has an answer because everyone likes luxury.

I salute the autowalas to use the theorem which ensures that everyone gets something if not everything.




A little thing about me, I am an apathetic person when it comes to having political views and opinions because most of the time I don’t know the full news or even if I do I tend not interpret it correctly but there is always this one Political Issue that in the world that made me think and think and conceive opinions because that issue was everywhere and that is of POTUS Donald Trump. I don’t how to put it, will try to put it very euphemistically I hate that guy! I mean yes he is thousands miles away, leading a country way different than mine and I am in no way affected by his decision but somehow my apathetic self has gone away and I have accepted I don’t like him. Yes, my opinions don’t matter, no matter how I will put it he won’t stop being The President of the Strongest Nation in the World, United States.
When it comes to hating Trump the world is divided into two parts, one who hate them because he is directly causing inconvenience to them like the DREAMers or the citizens of USA or Mexicans and then there are people who just hate him because everyone does. Honestly, I hate him because Beyoncè doesn’t support him, I know weird but yeah, she influenced me to hate him but even after I come up from that bias of decision inflicted upon my plain vanilla self I think is he that bad?
Like he is doing his job and whatever is in his agenda, HIS NATION FIRST. Which of course is not acceptable by many because from the beginnings USA was a nation which embraced everyone with open arms, they cracked open a cold ones and thought them how to play football (which is not played with feet). In Trump’s administration there are many controversial things that he is doing which shows his tendency of thinking of only the privileged, the market and his wife (an immigrant) but most of all America. But he is wrong, because America is made up of the United States and they are United because different people with different diversity and ethnicities come together and make what is called the Strongest Nation.
Well, let’s take example of the recent controversial statement that was passed by Mr.Trump, he called the NFL players who were protesting for their rights by kneeling during the anthem Sons of Bitches *awkward silence*
This is not how a president puts his views and condemn anything… oh lord. He went on saying that they should get fired and what not causing a hailstorm of tweets and many opinions and I am here all like maybe he is correct. For once in my life I am siding with Trump for condemning the breach of respect of the Nation Anthem of course it is correct but how have you put it? And where did you put it?
That is America, people wear knickers made up of American Flag and seriously treat the independence day as a drinking holiday. Trump was right condemning the act but his words were wrong in every way possible, he should’ve been a good president and seen why are they protesting and helped them rather than calling them Sons of Bitches.
Here in India, we are told to stand up before watching a movie to salute the national anthem and rightfully so because we need to respect our motherland in order to serve it. In America national anthem is sacred and so is national flag and everything associated with it, Trump asking to respect it is not wrong only he should take some action to see why are they protesting and help them cope up with the issues. After all he is the president and it comes in his territory whether he like it or not.

A Gentleman

“Gentleman” I wish he was real and true and there in front of me
But for me he is a mystical creature made in stories and in the books of fun.
He is the guy who opens door for you only to hold you hand which then holds his love while he moans in foreign tongue.
He is the guy who buys you a nice dinner and asks for it under the table and scraps your knees if you say… dare you say no.
He is the guy who walks past you on the street to touch your guarded bits.
He is the one who asks you to smile in the club or on the road or in your home.
He is the guy who wants you to be his early morning breakfast or the midday meal or the midnight snack sometimes all in the same day just because he wants it.
He wants you to swarm his inbox with your discreet pictures so that he can know your insecurities like the back of his hands.
“Gentleman” I wish I knew where you were so that I could come to you but I know you would just call me when you need me or never text me back so I stand here surrounded with my miseries.
You are out there on your white horse but that horse is me and that whip is your weapon and you strike me and ask me to do faster faster faster.

The Marriage CV

In this dynamic era there are many changes that have taken place; we have reached the moon, discovered a meteorite in Antarctica and most importantly made fidget spinners. Along with the technological, political and environmental changes the human has also changed. Most of us firmly believe that woman is no less than man and the word ‘Feminism’ is widely used so much that it has lost its meaning. Now a woman working is nothing and a woman not working is a huge deal which makes me wonder, is it important for a woman to go out in the world and make a mark?

Yesterday a met a very beautiful girl, she was my sister’s friend. She doesn’t want to get a job or a degree she wants to get married and make children and because of that everyone looks down upon her. Like most of us are trying to make our CV this girl (let’s call her Tina) is making her  CV for marriage, she takes cooking classes, baking classes, she can manage kids, she can listen to blabber of old people , she is submissive and super sexy a perfect marriage CV but why do people look down upon her? It is her choice after all.

In this world of ultra development we forgot about being true to ourselves, at least Tina is being true to herself. This situation makes me wonder the real reason of a woman, is she made to go out in the world and make a career, do a job and hustle? Or maybe she wants to spend her days making a home, nurturing human beings, teaching values and what not. What I am trying to convey is why we say a woman is not worth anything if she chooses homemaking over career, isn’t homemaking a job?

Turn back time and think of our mothers, who spent her days and nights teaching us, taking care of the house and family, a woman can be a teacher, an electrician, a cook , a baker, an accountant and still we say that a housewife does no job and we boycott the woman who have dreams of just marrying. More trash is given to a woman who left her job to get married but I don’t see anything wrong in that. What if that is what she planned all along? Let me tell you marriage is much much harder than any job there is. So please don’t see stay at home wife as no one they are working much more than you and are much more happier than you as well.

A marriage CV is equally important as a regular CV, at least the marriage CV gets us a partner a regular CV gets us rejection (if you don’t have 4.0) and do not give me crap about “but you lose your independence right after marriage” if you’re a head strong lady and have the power to convey her thoughts you can never lose your independence, your independence is in your hand.A woman can be anything she wants to be, she has a choice and let her choose. If a woman wants to be a house-maker let her be, if she wants to marry right after school what is wrong in that?

Respect everyone and judge no one.


Waking Up

I want you to come to my house of matrimony, a big white house with dogs barking at the front. A house which is made of beautiful hopes and dreams and my days and nights of hard work. I will cook a perfect breakfast for you while you gaze at my gallery wall, while I serve you can compliment my engagement ring. I will talk to you about my beautiful children who loves to go out for a walk, then my husband will come from behind and kiss me goodbye while he leaves for his bureaucratic job. Then we can sip tea while we take long walks in my garden filled with roses and small swimming pool cleaned with perfection. I am a home maker now and I don’t care, I love it! I will tell you about my perfect honeymoon at Bahamas how my husband went crazy while spending all his money. I will tell you about the next party we are throwing celebrating my 20th Anniversary. I will tell you about my love story which took 16 years in the making, will tell you about my previous job description and how lonely I felt without him by my side.
Then I will zone out and you will snap your fingers in front of my eyes and you will tell me that the groom is here, I will put on a fake smile and walk the small aisle of thrones, trying to hide my tears. At the end of it will be standing a stranger, a man not from my dreams but from reality.
If there is a jail as big as something that is arranged marriages. I, being an 18 year old ignorant person don’t know much about how marriages work but what from Ms.Jane taught me I know it takes two hearts to make one soul and whole life to build a matrimony.
When you’re a dreamer you think about your special day daily and with love affairs always buzzing the news channel keeping the mind off of love is hard. I also imagine what my perfect love story would look like. A dark handsome boy will take me from the arm and ask me to be mine, he will go down on one knee under the star lit sky and ask me the magic words with the ring in his hands, the ring will be a small diamond not a big one but a very tiny diamond dressed on my finger and I will cry and cry and will say yes and then… I will wake up. Will get ready to marry some dark fat Indian guy with nose hair who will try to grope me at our wedding night, I will answer some random questions about my purity to strangers whom now I call my family. This will be my fate I know.
This has always happened in my family, since the day I became capable of dreaming big dreams i was told they are worthless.
My dream house is a ruin, my dream ring is still at Tiffany’s, my pet dogs never been rescued, my children are still trapped in the shackles of my brain, my gallery wall doesn’t have enough pictures because my sister-in-law hates interior decoration, there is no swimming pool because my husband cannot breathe under water, the garden of roses is a barren ground because nobody wants to invest, the honeymoon never happened because he had office work to do, I guess there will be no 20th anniversary because I would like to die before the 2nd all of this because I was told not to find my perfect husband but my parents did that job for me by matching the stars in the sky.
I wish it could be any different.
When I go shopping I go ahead and look at the Tees that I want and try it on, if it is not my size, style, colour I toss it and it becomes best outfit for another person, but here my mom went out shopping found the tee which was situated in the shiniest of corners had a classic rack to live in, had good company surrounding him, had a good product name and a perfect job but the tee is a loose fit for me, I look like a potato in it and I cannot take it off as it is mine…I am its forever and even if i did i will be disgraced for life.
I am imagining a night full of sky and long beach walks and I wake up to the sound of snoring, told to cook breakfast while he went to the job i had no idea about.
I was imagining talking days and nights talks about books, politics and environment and I woke up with him looking at me with a dead look asking me to shut up.
I was imagining a dark tall handsome man to go down on one knee and give me a ring of my dreams and i woke up with snarly stares baring gaping holes in me talking about my big nose and small eyes.
I was imagining throwing a game of thrones themed wedding where i dance like crazy and i woke up with sounds of kids shouting and snatching my sari, with 200 strangers asking me how i am?
And I tell them all, I am not fine cause i woke up.
I would rather sleep forever.

You’re Free Now

IMG_7162How do you feel now that you’re gone
Left behind my bitchy self who always complained about your shirts and socks
You must be so happy when you walked out of the door
When you slam it shut, and ran from the corridor
Ran so fast so that I don’t  catch you.
You’re so free right now.
Yes I am a bitch, complaining about rape culture more than I should maybe I am more of a bitch when I say no
Or when you look that way at me and I scrunch my nose.
You left behind a bitch, a bitch that lives alone,
In the depth of despair and a grave that only I have known.
I am sorry if I want to stay out all night
I am sorry if I want to pay my own bills
I am sorry if I like to take my own decisions and has no chill
I am sorry if I dyed my hair without telling
I am sorry if I am always yelling
I am sorry that I man-spread and eat straight out of the box.
I am sorry I am like this, a total bitch.
But you’re free now from all the bitchy ness and all the mess, you’re free from all the stupidity and changing your shirt fourteen times to colour coordinate
Guess you weren’t just out of my dream novel so you had to go
But this bitch is alone with a resting face
The slivers of my heart are fell on the ground
but I wont pick em up I don’t need them now.
I am living with a tear trying to tear out my eye
I am okay, I promise.
I promise I will feel better if I correct someone’s grammar or maybe point their mistakes out.
I will be fine when I will find my someone new and shoo him away too
But you’re free
Maybe you’re with a girl who just likes to get choked and sit on her knees
Maybe you’re with a girl who doesn’t tell you to leave
Maybe you’re with a girl who spells wrongly
But that is okay you’re free and it is not a challenge anymore.

Let’s Share Grammys!

This is a question to every girl out there, what comes to your head when you see a female who is a stranger to you?

Maybe a thought pops about how she is dressed or maybe the way she is walking/looking/smiling/eating, to the extreme a flame of jealousy burns your entire soul but has it ever occurred to you that you both are incredible human being who has come on Earth to slay men’s existence? Both of you are beautiful female, proud owners of the vag?

Maybe not, let me change that for you. Read till the end of this post and fall in love with your fellow female, metaphorically and literally, because we are all in this together.

When Lilly Singh coined the term ‘Girl Love’ I instantaneously fell in love with it because I related to it in heights. Why should we let people establish a belief that girls always fight, why should we give them a reason to call us out? We should we united isn’t it?

We become friends in mere seconds, we put pointy sticks in our eyes, and we dance in heels, regret it and do it again! We are the most beautiful people in the world, so why hate each other?

We have absolutely no reason to hate each other, because we make each other and we are the only one who knows what it means when we say ‘It is Okay’ (it is not okay, it is never okay, okay?)

There are abundant reasons to hate a fellow female:

A boy chose her instead of you? Well, you should be proud that your fellow female got a boy in her life.

You think her dress was tacky? Why don’t you share your fashion advices with her, politely!

You think she is a mess? I think you’re able to clean that up.

You think is overdoing things? Why don’t you match her and enjoy together.

What are you waiting for? Why don’t you go and talk to that girl who seems so interesting. Think about all the bars you can hit, all the clothes you can share and all the boys you can complain about.

Please don’t give me crap about, “oh we cannot get along, she is not my type”.

Both of you have an incredible soul, both have vag and both love some chocolate in those days.

We are in this together. Period. (Both types of period, mind you)

It seems like everyone is inspired by Mean Girls but has anyone watched the full movie? Instead of reenacting the scenes of back bitching and name calling we can reenact one scene of sharing the awards because we all deserve a fucking award for the days we go through, like we wear caged bras and pay a fortune for that inconvenience I don’t see why we should not get an award.

And don’t get me started on the drama over boys, like girl why? Why are you hitting on that boy who has a girlfriend? Respect them and be full of pride that your girl is killing the boyfriend game, love doesn’t come easy so don’t ruin it, kay?

I don’t get why girls seems to hate their boyfriend’s exes, like what is the deal with that? One relationship didn’t work out, the guy jumped into another one simple as that, why hate the poor girl who had to put up with your boyfriend’s anger, jealousy and disregard? She did a good job now it is your turn to complete your term.

Let us all celebrate femininity and thrive in it, let us share our Victoria Secret’s lingerie, tampons and dresses. Also, if you’re like a huge singer, who ruled the entire pop culture then share your Grammy!

Yes!! I am talking about that moment when Adele broke her Grammy into two and shared it with Beyonce, she was in tears, I was in tears, everyone was in tears, because why not? That was the biggest exhibit of girl love ever seen. I guess we want that kind of love between girls, no pride, no cat fights all the love.

When Adele can, then all of us can and will!

We don’t stop ourselves from singing high pitched ‘Hello’ then why can’t we be like Adele?

If two queens can be such good friends then why can’t we be?

Let us reign supreme!

On the side note: Pregnant Beyonce on that chair, diving in like a fucking acrobat had me dead. I was dead I swear.

So if you hate a girl, go ahead and fix things with her as she is the only one who would understand what it feels like when your winged eyeliner is not winged. She is the only one who understands what it feels like wearing spanx or having extensions or being a female.

I will be talking to my boyfriend’s ex and congratulate her as she put up with his anger issues, because boy she killed it!

Let us all dance to Beyonce and share chocolates because Girls, we run this world!

Let us all share Grammys, shall we?








A Thing About Consent

For all the ignorant men and women of the world:


I am Diksha Shree Tiwari a nobody from India but I feel that I am smart enough to tell you a thing or two about CONSENT, Not a hard word right? Just a seven letter word which can be find in any of the anti-patriarchal, normal or unbiased dictionary of the world but in your dictionary it cannot find its place as you are too full of yourself to understand it.

It doesn’t matter what the person is saying and how he or she is saying it, for you it always will be in the favor of how you want it to be. Probably you don’t understand English or maybe you weren’t brought up to understand the word, whatever the reason might be not understanding it cannot be excused but somehow through some intergalactic loophole you are excused of not knowing this word and it disgusts me.

‘No’ means ‘No’, no matter in what capacity it is said or believed, no matter how loud or how shrill it may sound, no matter how stupid you are to understand it, if a person says ‘No’ it means that he or she is not interested in the thing that you’re suggesting that is your cue to back off, if still you are not backing off you are dumb and you need some kind of education, I hope trial in the court would be enough for you to understand it.

Somehow, all the people in the world fail to understand the word ‘Consent’ only because the person saying it does not matter to them, the stereotypical and prejudices morons of the world establish some kind of judgment in their head and they work upon it.

Just because she is wearing a dress a little too revealing it does not mean she will be interested.

Just because she flirted with you before it does not mean that she will be interested.

Just because he comes to your house for Homework daily it does not mean that he will be interested.

Just because she sells her body for sex does not mean that she will be interested.

Just because he looks nice and quiet does not mean that he will be interested.

Weather the person is your wife\girlfriend, boyfriend\husband or just a stranger if the person says no it is your job to respect it and back off.

Everybody in this world is subject to his or her own decision, every person in this world can make his/her own lives and have a brain to do so, you are nobody to tell them what they should do or force them to do it and if you do it then you are the most coward person the world who has no strength to get what you want with respect and honor.

If a person is roaming the streets at night you are no one to judge him or her and think that just because he/she can roam about at 2 in the morning she/he will be very much interested in going to bed with me. Guess what honey boo, NO!

Yes you want to satisfy your wee bit of ego by forcing yourself on another person but that cannot be allowed and I hope somebody tell you this but let me be your mirror the world doesn’t revolve around you and your whims and fancies so sit the fuck down and calm your underwear.

So next time you try to pitch your idea to any person in the world if she/he said no you will back off because you are not a complete uneducated moron, you are much better than that.

I hope all you people understand what ‘Consent’ is and if you said ‘no’ to understand it, it is okay I will not force myself onto you and make you understand it, I will give you your space and respect your ‘Consent’ because that is what is right.





New Year, Old Me

Note: This blog screams how less of a crap I give!

New Year is supposed to be the most joyous day of everyone’s life and why it shouldn’t be? Another year has passed by, we are getting closer to death, we are deteriorating our planet by each passing year and of course we will have to deal with bullshit like, Valentine’s Day again.

Everyone in the world is talking about New Year, New Me crap but I am here all like, bro New Year, Old Me. Nothing in this world can change who I have become so what a flip of a calendar can do for me?

I was a lazy person who is one movie away from a complete failure and I am still a lazy person who is one movie away from a complete failure and 2017 has not done anything in my favor so why should I go on my knees and try to become a person who I am not and don’t want to be. I don’t do crunches, I have never done crunches and I never plan to start crunching then why should I hit the gym just because it is the New Year and I am inclined to become a newer version of myself and still hate myself with every intake of carbohydrate, and for all the people who are going to the gym here is my word to you:

“You are not better than me and your abs has nothing on my lump of fat, your arm is mainstream and your chiseled chest is nothing. Please call me when your fitness fiesta gets over so that we can talk about pizza because right now I cannot talk about pizza to you because you look at me in a weird way and I don’t like your looks and how all the guys come to you and how you don’t have to pay for your drinks.

Attached with this you will find a dress which doesn’t fit me”

I mean I like my habits and if I want to change them I will change it from the next second not next year, why should I wait a whole year to change myself when I can do it right now? Because having cigarettes from 2nd January to 31st December doesn’t make any sense to me.

Another thing that I hate about ‘New Year, New Me’ is that people don’t stick to it. You took a resolution while you were sober (I hope), in full consciousness, you promised yourself or your mother something and still you are unable to follow that doesn’t it depress you just a little? You decided something and you were not able to accomplish that and by not taking any resolution I am saving myself of the pain and the heartbreak, cheers to me.

Now let us all talk about (or read about) how pointless New Year’s parties are, shall we?

If you are celebrating with your family you will go to bed at 12:10 or you are in an Indian family you will go to sleep at 11:45; if you are celebrating with friends you will be too drunk to even notice or if you don’t drink you will be too tired to even notice; and if you are celebrating with your significant other then I hate you.

So why do you want celebrate the night before, why is it a huge thing, why is it happening in the world?

Do you dance and celebrate a day before Diwali or Holi? No, because you are too busy sleeping.

The only time I will celebrate my New Years would be when I will be standing in Times Square until then tata New Year party you suck!

In the end, I would like to tell you I am not a hater, I am just jealous.



P.S. – Happy 2017, have fun writing 2016 in the year column for another two months.




Behind The Blurs

Behind the blurs,

Lays the words…

That can bring people down.

Behind the blurs,

Lays those obscene scenes…

those are not meant for the world to see.

Behind the world,

Lays those absurd images…

that has the power to give you nightmares.

Behind the blurs,

Lays the shreds of dignity…

which can’t be stitched back

Behind the blurs

Lays Mrs. Anonyms…

 who will never show her face again.

Behind the blur

Lays the man who did wrong…

He won’t see the light of the day.

Behind the blurs

Lays the well-wisher…

whose life is in danger

Behind the blurs

Lays the lie, the wrongs, the truth, the right.

Behind the blurs,

Lays everything that matters

 but can’t be shown

Behind the blurs,

Lays what is unseen, unfelt but is embedded in our soul

There is a world, stories and woes which lays

Behind the blurs.