Disclaimer: Not responding to a text can mean anything so ladies don’t flip out when you see him online and not get a text, he is probably cheating on you. Make Tinder your best friend.
I know cosmopolitan has told you already but that genius doesn’t really matter until you yourself fall in that pit which is called “No Text Zone” and it gets dark and gloomy there so what every independent woman who lives in her parent’s house and has a curfew should do when bae isn’t texting back?
Here are ten legit things that you should do when your bae isn’t texting you back.
1. Watch a Movie- I know very clichè and simple but works amazingly every time, as you get so involved in the problems of the character you forget your own problems and that is the best thing in the world, forgetting your own problems. Few movie suggestions for the “No Text Zone” citizens: Jon Tucker Must Die, The Other Woman, The Breakup, I Spit On Your Grave, The First Wives Club and for extra lessons refer to Kill Bill Vol. 1,2 and 3. These movies will not only stray your mind off your citizenship of the sadness but also prep you for the upcoming storm. So don’t miss any lessons and TAKE NOTES.
2. Click Selfies- being in the gloomy “No Text Zone” can be really fucking saddening and constant munching on a chocolate can get you looking like a pig so what do you do to uplift your soul, body and mind? You click pictures!! Just turn the camera towards you, pucker your lips and click the best pictures. For added social media points post it on the interwebz, don’t forget to change your Google Id profile pic because that is the only place you haven’t block your bae from, let him see what is he missing!
3. Read a Book- I know I am spinning around the most simple and vanilla stuff but these things will help you become stronger and by stronger I mean stronger stronger. Reading can not only give you the optimum knowledge of the things that matter but also teach you things that you didn’t know like karate. Referring to the quote from my current read, “Cool girls never get angry at her men, she only smiles” I would like to point out what a brilliant novel Gone Girl by Gillian Flyyn is. It not only tells you how to deal with your cheating husband but also how to ruin his life. But you’re just PMSing, he isn’t texting you because he is “busy”.
4. Cook- A lady only belongs in the kitchen, right? So why don’t you use that label and banner yourself with it. Cook to keep your mind off and since you were too busy being a Diva all along, becoming what you always wanted to be and learning good things you “lady” never had a chance to cook, so you will fuck up and more you fuck up more enticing the knives will look which is a good thing because we want the knives to look good in our hands 😊.
5. Complain- Now every lady has only two jobs either to observe and complain or to complain and observe. So just give in to the stereotype, put your freshly manicured hands on your mouth, turn to your best friend and complain about random things. Now this is the slippery slope, if you complain too hard you will accept your misery so try and complain at a balance so that your best friend comes at your side and you start building a team. Now if your best friend says “you’re just overreacting” don’t listen to her she is clearly wrong, you’re not overreacting and PMS is a word made by men so that they can handle our real real legit emotions irresponsibly.
6. Time To Plan- I hope you are now ready with some great material. You have inspirations from all the watching and reading you have been doing, you have managed to know how a knife works, your bff whom you have taped to the chair is on your side and to top all of that training you have a killer Google Profile Picture. So plan, plan whatever is it you want to do. I will give you options: Wait for his text and rehearse the texts that you are gonna send, wait for his call and rehearse the crying and screaming or Burn his house down. Plan to do either of the afforesaid and you will be good to go.
7. Print a Blueprint- now ladies you absolutely do not know how to work a computer so make sure you have supervision of a male, a male dog. Get the print and you’re good to go. For an extra touch you can make your wall into a makeshift planner but no need to ruin your wall for your sweet bae.
8. Ready yourself for an attack- now as far as I know best attack a woman can do is put shaving cream in a shampoo bottle, put oestrogen tablet in his drink and like punch him in the balls or something so there isn’t much you can do “lady”. (If you’re his long term bae you know his PIN and account number so like you know what to do or if you have been taking Karate Chop lessons from Kill Bill use that skill as well just don’t harm the girl he is with cause Girl Love ❤️ )
9. Drink Tequila- I know you have only restrained yourself to Mojitos and when you feel crazy you get a Bloody Mary but drink tequila, you would require it for the upcoming storm.
10. Attack- but not to hard he has feelings too and don’t forget to say sorry after that. Now your attack can range from just one long text which calls out his bullshit to opening a million dollar company and start living your lavish life without him because you don’t need that prick in your life. So, judge and gauge the situation and do things likewise. I would suggest not open a company cause a lady whose curfew is 5 PM cannot run a company so like just send him a text and hope for the best while sitting on a chair of your own cabin of a roof top office of your own company. So yeah, there was a list of things you should do while he isn’t texting you back, make sure you do it sequentially. And all throughout the process don’t even think for a second maybe he is just busy, he isn’t busy.
P.s. My period cramps sucks!!