New Year, Old Me

Note: This blog screams how less of a crap I give!

New Year is supposed to be the most joyous day of everyone’s life and why it shouldn’t be? Another year has passed by, we are getting closer to death, we are deteriorating our planet by each passing year and of course we will have to deal with bullshit like, Valentine’s Day again.

Everyone in the world is talking about New Year, New Me crap but I am here all like, bro New Year, Old Me. Nothing in this world can change who I have become so what a flip of a calendar can do for me?

I was a lazy person who is one movie away from a complete failure and I am still a lazy person who is one movie away from a complete failure and 2017 has not done anything in my favor so why should I go on my knees and try to become a person who I am not and don’t want to be. I don’t do crunches, I have never done crunches and I never plan to start crunching then why should I hit the gym just because it is the New Year and I am inclined to become a newer version of myself and still hate myself with every intake of carbohydrate, and for all the people who are going to the gym here is my word to you:

“You are not better than me and your abs has nothing on my lump of fat, your arm is mainstream and your chiseled chest is nothing. Please call me when your fitness fiesta gets over so that we can talk about pizza because right now I cannot talk about pizza to you because you look at me in a weird way and I don’t like your looks and how all the guys come to you and how you don’t have to pay for your drinks.

Attached with this you will find a dress which doesn’t fit me”

I mean I like my habits and if I want to change them I will change it from the next second not next year, why should I wait a whole year to change myself when I can do it right now? Because having cigarettes from 2nd January to 31st December doesn’t make any sense to me.

Another thing that I hate about ‘New Year, New Me’ is that people don’t stick to it. You took a resolution while you were sober (I hope), in full consciousness, you promised yourself or your mother something and still you are unable to follow that doesn’t it depress you just a little? You decided something and you were not able to accomplish that and by not taking any resolution I am saving myself of the pain and the heartbreak, cheers to me.

Now let us all talk about (or read about) how pointless New Year’s parties are, shall we?

If you are celebrating with your family you will go to bed at 12:10 or you are in an Indian family you will go to sleep at 11:45; if you are celebrating with friends you will be too drunk to even notice or if you don’t drink you will be too tired to even notice; and if you are celebrating with your significant other then I hate you.

So why do you want celebrate the night before, why is it a huge thing, why is it happening in the world?

Do you dance and celebrate a day before Diwali or Holi? No, because you are too busy sleeping.

The only time I will celebrate my New Years would be when I will be standing in Times Square until then tata New Year party you suck!

In the end, I would like to tell you I am not a hater, I am just jealous.

 

 

P.S. – Happy 2017, have fun writing 2016 in the year column for another two months.

 

 

 

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