Why Can’t I Loosen Up?

12th October 2016, I went to a party “the party is going to be lit” I heard them all saying. I actually fought many factors to be there because I wanted to party so badly, I wanted to dance like nobody was watching and actually live the day to the fullest but I did something really wrong I didn’t, I didn’t dance like nobody was watching, I didn’t live that day to the fullest instead I checked out my Twitter feed and thought to myself why can’t I loosen up?

There were many answers that came into my head none were accurate but still here there are:

I was wearing an almost backless dress and knowing me I knew the chances of wardrobe malfunction was at its highest, so I couldn’t dance. I cannot even walk from booth to another without thinking that my entire inner love is on the show and men are basking in its glory, I had thick insecurity issues that day. I did tucked in my gut for a while but holding the breath and dancing is a tough job.

I also thought of that creepy guy who was looking at me way too much, maybe I was hallucinating and it was all just me but I can swear he was looking at me and if it weren’t of his eye balls I would’ve danced that day.

The DJ was so crappy I almost wanted to throw a tissue paper on his face, the reason that I wasn’t able to loosen up. If he were playing a little Beyonce I would’ve showed the club who the real thang is and who can twerk for days. But Beyonce wasn’t playing and I wasn’t dancing.

Four hours later, I was still glued to my seat checking my phone again and again, I didn’t even had data that was reason right there to let my phone go but I couldn’t.

My friends did come to get so I did the classic on the dance floor:

Legs apart,

Fingers snapping


And subtly moon walking out of the dance floor.

After a while, I was a liability to my friends so I went to stuff my face still thinking why can’t I reflect my inner goddess to the world, are there people not lucky enough to see my moves? Yeah that could be it.

I also considered taking a glass full of vodka; though I am against the belief “drinks make you who you are” I considered it. Honestly, I am stupid enough without drinks, my decisions are still questionable. I can jump off the roof while sober. I can turn into Shakira in a matter of five seconds (my hips do not lie). I know all the hit songs still the dance floor will never see me moving.

There is always a thought that maybe my bra strap is showing or my skirt is flying and if you are wearing jeans it feels like, the jeans will fall off! So you might as well sit tight!

It is like there an eye looking at you judging you, she will talk about you when you are gone or make fun of you, and the lingering thought is not good enough. It blocks your personality and I don’t want that.

The realization that “maybe I am not a fun person anymore” screws you hundred times over.

After sitting four hours in a club I got out and first thing my friend did was corrected my bra strap which was seeing the outside world. Like really, you were out! And because of it I didn’t get up and danced.

Anyways, who sees the bra strap in a dark club?

Next time, I will dance like that creepy guy is blind.

I will dance like the music isn’t bad or I can slap the DJ to play better music .

And most of all, I will wear flats.


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